Most people don’t know this, but I kept a consistent journal for over ten years, from age 11 to when I got married at 23. It was a full-fledged hobby, right up there with designing house layouts in the SIMS and rewatching Sense and Sensibility for the 700th time. I was not a cool person.
It all got started with literally the most morbid thing an 11 year old could think of doing, which was to WRITE MY WILL. Yep, that’s literally my first entry: who I wanted to leave my earthy possessions to in the event of my untimely demise.
I had no reason to think I was going to die or even a real fear of it; but I figured if I DID randomly die, I sure as heck wasn’t going to leave it to fate to decide who was getting my CD collection (Back Street Boys 4lyfe).
TBH, looking at the entries now immediately makes me beet red in the face. It’s so embarrassing. I feel like I had a different crush every other day and most of what I had to say, especially in the early years, is not at all profound.
But I loved writing. And even at 11 years old, I knew I had a story to tell. I wanted to create a legacy that my grandkids would read about someday and feel like they knew me.
I’ve got my own kids now, and honestly, I’m not sure at what point if ever I’ll actually hand over the keys of those writings to let them in on those times in my life. I mean, maybe somethings should be left in the past? There have been a few times when I’ve considered getting rid of them all together; if I’m not intentional I can be someone who looks back more than I look forward, and that’s not healthy.
But for now, I’ve decided they’re a part of me and have helped to shape me into who I am. They gave me a place at many lonely times to download allll the feels I had during those years. And the practice taught me how to write, which is still adding to my life today.
So now for the real question: Back Street Boys or NSYNC? Let me know where you stand.👇🏻✴️
(Originally published January 4, 2019).